Sick as a Dog

I'm sick. My dog is sick. My husband is sick. We're quarantined up in our home. But what a change for once, a sickness that you can actually witness. You can see my sniffle, cough, and hear me talk with a deep man's voice. With Bipolar, you can't always see me suffering. Often I think those around me might not even believe it's real, for they can't see what happens in my head. They don't know the craziness of my thought patterns or the distortions in my memories, feelings, and reactions to events. Lucky for them, but how do I get them to understand what I go through?

With mental illness, someone is always asking, "How are you doing?", or saying, "I'm so worried about you". Besides the fact that that gets SO old very fast, what am I supposed to say that would really explain where I am in the Bipolar Spectrum? My latest M.O. is to say that I'm right in the middle. Then I don't have to explain my mania, my depression or suicidality, and the person asking seems satisfied enough to shut the hell up and move on. And that's working for now, because presently I am right in the middle of things. For those of us educated in our long hospital stays, we might know this as the "Sweet Spot".

The "Sweet Spot" is also known as the three "B's". Boring, Buddist, and Beneficial. Boring because, as we know, mania can be a hell of a ride, quite fun an interesting at times. Buddist because we may feel a little bit, as usual, that all life is suffering. Beneficial because we are neither bouncing off the walls or trying to kill ourselves. This is a neutral place to be. Here I am today, and that's good enough for me. So let's be thankful for the three B's today. And maybe my 3 family members can each get another B by the end of the day, one that stands for "Better".