I think people like us struggle a lot with answering the phone. We panic. Who is it? What do I say? Do I fake it?
When my phone rings, my brain goes berzerk. There's a whole thing that goes on.
First I have to check in with myself to see if I'm awake, feeling okay enough to talk, too depressed, irritable, or too brooding. I don't want to answer if my voice or tone says that I am really truly sick. Next I check the caller ID. Immediately I wonder: FAMILY? DAD? I feel relief when it's not them. I don't want to have to pretend with them if I am in one of those moods I just described. I plain worry about how to talk to them anyway. Next option, is it a friend? Who knows about my illness and who doesn't is a huge concern so I have to clear that up before answering as well. Finally, I wonder: what in the world I would talk about, what updates would I give, what about the dreaded "how are you?". After these 2 or 3 seconds I silence the stupid thing, wishing I could have answered.
Anyone who knows me knows that calling me won't really get you anywhere. Most of them even skip leaving a message because they know I hate my phone and I won't really call back.
But our phone fears get worse when we give our fears the power. We've got to just answer the damn thing to keep from being isolated, bored, and lonely. I'm doing it, and my contact list is expanding!
In 12-step meetings the Telephone is an official program tool. They pass around phone lists, and ask people to stay afterward to exchange numbers. And people call eachother every single day, and part of the whole deal is being sober and accountable and healthy enough to chat on that phone. Well, that is a great thing, and I think we should try giving this some thought.
One of the beauties of life is choices. Choose to extend your intimacy by answering the phone. I think getting close to others takes the pain away. Anyway, 12-steppers also famously say "Fake it 'till you make it". That means that when you're feeling your absolute worst and your phone rings, fake a smile and have a chat. I'm open to the risk! Are you?
Our Mummy, Marie Molloy: 1957 – 2023
9 months ago
4 Comments:
I love my caller ID and have been known to screen when I'm feel really badly. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it!) I don't get a lot of phone calls.
I am sooo terrible with the phone...No one calls me anymore for the same reason...HOWEVER the last couple days I have been calling people which is odd for me...Thankyou so much.
I don't freak about answering it or talking on it, but I do freak about calling someone new, or people I don't know all that well or don't usually speak to on the phone.
omg - i thought i was the only one who had phone issues! Calling someone I don't know is terrifying, an it isn't easy to talk to the folks I do know isn't easy either.
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